Reading Time: 4 Minutes
I was perusing the interwebs last night, and lo and behold – that tricky Youtube algo recommended one of my all-time watched clips.
The one where Susan Boyle auditioned on Britan’s Got Talent back in 2009.
Y’know that clip, where Susan rocked up to the judges looking like she just stepped out from the back of a Salvos store.
Cue judgement, side-eyes and a preconception of watching a train wreck in slow motion.
BUT.
When she sang.
Ladies and Gentlemen when she sang!
What. A. Voice.
Truly, it was one of the greatest auditions in history, and rightfully so.
What really resonated with me, wasn’t the obvious underdog story, or the “don’t judge a book by its cover” theme…
Nah.
It was the song she chose to sing – “I dreamed a dream” from Les Miserables – which just so happens to be one of my all-time favourite books AND all-time favourite musicals.
For those unaware, this song is sung by Fantine, (mother of Cosette (adopted daughter of Jean Valjean (main guy))) after she gets fired from her job (Fantine the mother, not Cosette the child) and thrown onto the streets, as a young single mother, who had a child out of wedlock by some rich bastard.
Anywho, at the end of the song, there is a line which really stands out – “life has killed the dream, I dreamed”.
Now I’ve never been a single mother – but girl you can basically FEEL the words sing out.
It got me thinking about a conversation I had with MrsFrugalSamurai’s uni mates the other day.
To put into context, most of them are in the medical field – and their annual earnings are far and away above the median salary. Heck far and away above any salary.
Yet as her friend Hacheel* (name changed to protect privacy, don’t worry Acheel I got you) put it so eloquently:
“I just feel like I am constantly grinding”.
So true Hacheel, so true.
Particularly in this day and age, where EVERYTHING is so fucking expensive, even someone earning ridiculous amounts as a doctor is feeling it.
When does the grinding stop?
Well, technically it stops only when you want it to stop.
I guess the question should be – when am I ever gonna feel happy again?
Not sporadic moments of pleasure, TRUE happiness.
The kind of happiness I am envious of in MiniFrugalSamurai and BabyFrugalSamurai – where chasing a bush turkey can bring unbridled joy and giggles (but presumedly not for the bush turkey).
Ah my kids… so innocent and stupid “shakes head ruefully”.
I digress.
So, luckily, we have science to answer when we will feel happy.
Unluckily, this chart says that we are fucked.
For many years it seems.
Happiness seems to trough in our mid-life, some would even call it a crisis… a crisis… in mid-life, GASP a mid-life crisis.
During our school years, life was great – most of the stress just came from assignments, exams, pimples, trying to talk to Jenny in Y9 tutoring.
Then we enter the workforce in our 20’s, wide-eyed and naive, wanting to reach the CEO office within 3 years (“don’t worry bro, I have a plan”).
And then BAM.
Adult shit hits you in the face (figuratively, not literally).
Life gets a hold of you, and just like Fantine, gives you a good jolly rogering just because.
When we hit our 30’s, suddenly BAM BAM, two little ingrates who DEMAND ALL YOUR TIME AND ENERGY, AND MONEY, SO MUCH MONEY come crawling out from somewhere before you even know what’s going on.
Throw in a couple of ageing parents and boy o boy – our 40s coming up is probably going to be just wonderful.
So what do we do?
Scream? Sure.
Life’s not fair? Of course not.
Can I quit? No.
Instead, perhaps try a couple of these things which have worked for me when I’m trying to cope through all this BS.
Mini-Breaks
I was at our 20 year high school reunion very recently (20 forking years JAYZUZ), and during the merry-go-round of “how are you, what have you been up to?” I caught up with an old friend Bavan* (again, Pavan’s real name is not used) who mentioned that he’s been taking lots of mini-retirements based on Tim Ferriss’ book The 4-Hour Work Week.
Smart Pav…Bavan, real smart.
If you can afford to, really look into these mini-retirements. Taking an extended break from the blunt force trauma that is the daily grind can really refresh and recharge your batteries in the long-term.
I’ve been fortunate to have worked in a couple of companies where employee well-being was valued, which have translated to either a flexible working arrangement and/or ability to purchase additional leave throughout the year.
Indeed, there was a period when our kids were born where my colleagues at work were wondering if I had already retired for good, such was the amount of entitled leave I took.
What about the work I hear you say?
I love work, I could look at it all day.
No seriously, work will always be there, I don’t think it’s going anywhere in a hurry.
(That’s not to say you have to be blaise about your income streams, more on that below).
Buy 2nd Hand
This might sound like common sense, but in this day and age – everyone wants the latest shiny and NEW item.
I think this is crazy.
But The Frugal Samurai – you WOULD say that.
I know, but hear me out.
My belief is that in life, there’s wayyy too many distractions – too many knickknacks who want your time and hard-earned.
I’ve told MrsFrugalSamurai a long time ago that my philosophy, if we ever make it, is to splurge on Health, Food, Education (sigh, kids again) and on Travel.
Those are the money hills which I’m going to die on.
Everything else I don’t really care whether it’s 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 8th hand.
Editor’s note: Despite what this cheapfk says, it is advisable to not buy toilet paper 2nd hand.
Not a surprise then that I’ve applied this to most things in our lives; from the properties we buy, to cars we drive, even furniture items in our house.
Just buy the cheapest shit that your ego can handle.
Side Hustle(s)
Nowadays, it seems the term “side hustle” has morphed in common vernacular as something which is cool to do.
To be honest, I’ve never really understood why trying to make some extra money is seen as either cool or not?
Who give two hoots about the social connotations…
Anyway, old man rant over – these days the beauty of the internet age is that you can literally make a buck on anything.
Just scour through Amazon, FB Marketplace, Gumtree and you’ll see ALL sorts of random stuff people are selling.
I’ve found that selling items you don’t need or use anymore (let’s face it, you know EXACTLY which ones) is actually a pretty good way to make some pocket money.
Also, you’ve heard the saying that a cluttered room means a cluttered mind right?
And at our current life stage of Bills, Bills and Bills – a spare bit of cash coming in is quite a handy bonus to tick us over.
Multiple Streams of Income
I’ve said this before, but honestly you guys – YOU CANNOT RELY ON ONE INCOME STREAM i.e your job.
You simply can’t.
Because the worst thing would be to lose your job in your mid-life. One income stream is just too risky.
The world is ever-changing and gone are the days of sticking it out with one employer until retirement.
Loyalty only exists in marriages (and even then…)
If you haven’t started investing/putting your money to work for you, you gotta start.
Start learning, researching, “hint hint” this blog :), talking to people who have walked the walk you want to walk.
Heck I’m in the same boat as you – trying to learn as much as possible about new income streams.
Property, shares, ETFs, cryptocurrency, businesses, hiring out two witless infants who chase birds for shits and giggles – whatever tickles your fancy, you have to start.
And if you’ve already got multiple streams.
BIG KUDOS – keep going!
~~~
Sigh, I could go on and on but honestly life IS a grind, you start to feel it in your late 20’s and it really hits in the 30’s.
But then everyone goes through it – it’s a rite of passage.
Don’t worry, we are all in this togeth…
Hey FUCK YOU THE FRUGAL SAMURAI YOU DUMB FAT IMBECILE, I don’t need your tips, life is fucking great – I’m going to be a CEO in 3 years.
That’s totally fine. You do you.
But if this post struck a bell, then I’ve done OK I think. It’s just a little something to try and help us to move away if only a little bit from the funk of being an adult.
Adulting sucks.
Oh well, at least I’ve got Susan Boyle for company.
I dreamed a dream.
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4 Comments
Zangieff of USSR
actually wrote an essay in my mind in reply to your thought provoking post. Will post the watered down version:
Apiness can be so simple yet so complicated
I think for majority, the best way is to OBSERVE what really makes you happy (it’s 99% not what you think it is). If you know the answer, great.
If you dont know the answer, walk towards the thing that you THINK will make you happy, and you will find out what really makes you happy.
gtg kick chun li’s ass bye
The Frugal Samurai
Hi er Zangieff – great to hear from you again. How do we observe what makes us happy?
A lot of people don’t even know what makes them happy, too many think it is material possessions and fleeting moments of pleasure – when we both know that is not the case.
If I had to put it down to it, I’d say two things – first is time. Having the ability to do what you want when you want.
The second is expectations. When reality exceeds expectations, that’s when you are happy and vice versa.
Zangrieff
wow that’s a deeper-than-expected reply, thank you
first of all I would agree with the 2 things u listed, they’re very simple yet definitely a major source of my personal apiness (I didn’t even realise it until u mentioned them! what a great blog)
Re: How do we observe what makes us happy?
Well pretty simple, usually a person thinks it’s something like money, a hot girlfriend, a promotion, a house, a car, “if i get that it’ll make me happy”. That’s a good start, start by working towards it.
As you work towards it, ask yourself and answer honestly: are you happy (my personal answer was YES because of X Y Z)
As you reach it, ask yourself: are you happy (my personal answer was NO, because of X Y Z)
Once you figure out what makes you happy, you can “construct” a world that constantly gives you that feeling (personally it’s simply: planning and working towards a goal, with autonomy/no one to answer to) – so find a job/partner/social circle that fits YOU, rather than you trying to fit into a group that you don’t naturally belong (just because your parents/friends/society think you should)
Of COURSE it’s not easy and there will be sacrifices along the way, but I imagine most people reading your blog would at least have that choice
amen
The Frugal Samurai
Thank you Zangieff and I hope your duel with Chun Li was a successful one.
I like your process and can I say that it is very much a “journey more important than destination” type of mentality.
Unfortunately most of us are constrained, by time, by money, by social and family constructs for the type of person we “should” be. Hence we take pleasure in the aforementioned material and tangible possessions you noted.
What is the solution? I don’t think there is one. But I think if you can come home after a hard day’s grinding and honestly look yourself in the mirror and say that you presented the best version of yourself today – that is a good start.