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$100 million? Yes please!

Earlier yesterday was the much anticipated boxing bout between Conor “The Notorious” McGregor and “Pretty Boy” Floyd “Money” Mayweather. The fight lived up to expectations and the favourite Mayweather triumphed via TKO in the 10th.

And I couldn’t care less.

Don’t get me wrong, I can understand the hype and hysteria this fight had – two flamboyant champions, both masters at selling themselves to the baying public with social media in overdrive at the mere thought of these two touching gloves (think Frodo and the ring against the fires of Mount Doom – except Frodo was an Irish brawler who requires English subtitles and Mount Doom was a big black mountain who breathes fire… oh wait…).

The moment when Mayweather triumphed in the 10th.

“It reminds me of the gladiatorial combatants of the past!” I said to my dog. Rudely she did not respond back.

As the fight was on, my phone went into overdrive at people commenting on social media and via Whatsapp.

All this I missed as I really wanted to get in early for that $9 barber at Burwood which was always packed with people who cut their hair for $9.

Image result for dirty barber china
I’m getting a Milk Tea after this!

After my number 2 (haircut that is, toilet number 2’s are not done at a $9 barber) I was listening to the news on the radio and was stuck in that driving reverie – you know the one you have when you’ve driven one route one too many times and it feels like you’re starring in Inception, the one where you and Leo have to battle like these enemies at like band camp with like… SNAP OUT OF IT.

Where am I, Who am I, What am I doing? Wait I remember now, I’m listening to the radio. The radio is talking (a man on the radio talks, my radio stays silent, so relax John Connor) and the announcer remarks “… the minimum Floyd Mayweather will make is one hundred million, McGregor can expect thirty, all for 30 minutes of work”.

That sentence really made me snap out of it – two thoughts immediately came to mind, 1) WOW that is some serious money for so little time and 2) Good on Floyd for single-handedly balancing the African-American wage inequality equation.

Turning into my street, I realized what the radio announcer said earlier summed up what is mis-calibrated with today’s society.

The thought that anyone can make $100 million in 30 minutes has warped our reality to an almost dream like fashion. News announcers and social media throw away $100 million here, give away $30 million there, instant win $50,000 here and voila – instant overnight success, say FU to the boss, quit your job and retire on a beach with the hunnies and the munnies.

Everyone is desensitized to these numbers when its remarked so casually but can you seriously imagine $100 million in cash sitting in front of you? Can you imagine $1 million?

Image result for poker millions
Crimestoppers was called and the bank robbers are now in safe custody.

Here see my point: I went to a Pho restaurant the other day and couldn’t stop thinking about the $2 gold coin those tightass Vietnamese Shylocks made me pay after because apparently I ordered a “Special Vermicelli” when I clearly only ordered Grilled Pork Vermicelli instead; the fact it was delicious and already 10% off made not the slightest difference, its the principle damnit and every gold coin spent is a gold coin spent.

How can you be so flippant about $100 million when you spent half a day scheming of a cunning plan to claw back $2? Because you cannot imagine the vast sums involved with $100 million, yet you can see and touch that $2.

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Auld Lang Syne my dear :'(

This is why we gladly spend our money shopping online and why credit card sales have ballooned exponentially.  Why betting agencies and porn websites are such lucrative businesses. You cannot see or touch the money you spend so hey, it’s just like the announcer on the radio saying “you have spent $100 on the West Tigers to win with matching Chris Lawrence vibrators”.  Big deal right? $100 is just a couple of hours of work, who cares?

Yeah but what if the $100 was a crisp green mint flavoured note? You would think twice right? You wouldn’t be so blase then would you? You might even say to yourself “I’M RICK JAMES BITCH!”

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My, what a magnificent moustache you have.

Next time you buy that cute tank top with matching Django Boyfriend Jeans (those are really cool actually, it was first worn by a slave just before the American civil war who meets Colonel Hans Landa who frees him so they both can fight Jack Dawson) have a think and visualize the $89.99 in CASH just sitting there, lonely and afraid and needing a friend.

You may think twice about showing it the door.

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