Life

Amusing Timeline of (Recent) Australian Prime Ministers

Reading Time: 7 minutes 

Hey y’all!

How’s it all going? Hope you’ve had a great week so far!

I’m here in old Melbourne town actually, on a national work conference for a couple of days.

As much as I would love to see the sights and catch up with old friends, frankly the schedule and activities which work has placed on us doesn’t allow for much, if any, free time (I’m writing this at 4am as we speak).

Image result for rowing ben hur gif
Work harder slav… I mean, fellow employees!

Still! Looking forward to a couple of days out of the office with everyone from around the country – should be exciting!

I was going to continue writing on the previous post (read here) regarding Bane-san’s question on creating a property portfolio, structuring and mitigating against rising interest rates BUT a lot has happened in a couple of days.

During which we found out that Australia will most likely have another Prime Minister (head of government) IMMINENTLY.

Really Oz? Another PM? Far out, at this rate – sooner or later, I’LL be the next PM.

Ha ha, I still remember when we had a French intern back in 2013 who was only here for less than a year – but during that time, Australia went through THREE prime ministers – Gillard, Rudd and Abbott.

“excusez moi le samouraï frugal – is… is zis normal? Please explain s’il vous plaît”.

No Henri… it’s not normal – at least not normal when we were growing up.

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We only had one master growing up… he was a bit of a knob.

Now, our political system has become more unstable than some warring colonies.

I wonder why it is, why politicians just can’t get along with each other and you know… lead the country.

Yeah, what was I thinking?

We were discussing this at dinner last night how since Kevin Oh Seven (aka Kevin Rudd’s first term in 2007), it’s just been a revolving door of PM’s.

Here’s the timeline:

Kevin Rudd 1.0

Elected in 2007, K-Rudd or Lu Kewen is best known for guiding Australia through the GFC due to his linguistic prowess in Mandarin Chinese.

He single-handedly steered our country through muddy waters by asking the Chinese to buy our rocks and dirt.

Kev also gave everyone a cool $900 during the GFC, because sometimes bribing people just works.

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Thank you Sir!

Mr Rudd also signed the Kyoto Protocol on climate change.

Kyoto is a very nice city, I haven’t been but may be one day you know?

Julia Gillard

Ms Gillard made history by becoming our first female prime minister, first female prime minster with red hair, and also first prime minister with the name “Julia Gillard”.

She got into the job initially by challenging old mate Kev based on the fact that although Kyoto is a nice city, there are nicer places in the world.

She announced an election in 2010, and sneaked in via a hung parliament – whereby each party nominates a sacrificial lamb to be hung, the last lamb standing decides the election.

Jules made a whole range of tax reform, most notably the ones on carbon dioxide – yes we even have to pay tax on the air we breathe now… and also on mining (see above, rocks and dirt were just TOO lucrative).

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Get MOONAY, Get MOONAY!

Kevin Rudd 2.0

But our friend Kevin aka El Capitano wasn’t finished!

Kevin decided to have another go at the Prime Ministership because “I’ll be damned if there are better places in the world than Kyoto woman”.

He successfully challenged Ms Gillard in one of the most intriguing days in modern political history – the loser would have to retire from politics!

Alas, our redhead Queen was defeated, resigned to the shame of serving on numerous boards, honorary academia, book deals and six figure speaking tours.

There is no justice in this world people.

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Actually a pretty good read.

Mr Rudd meanwhile, gleefully tore down the interior decorating of parliament house and reinstated his old style.

Tony Abbott

Tony “my word, you have big ears” Abbott finally got his revenge on the Labor party and the meekness of his sacrificial lamb 3 years prior, in the 2013 election.

Although to be fair, by this time the Australian people were so fed up with the political environment and uncertainty, we would have welcomed any one with ears, big or small.

Mr Abbott… umm, to be honest I don’t quite remember what Mr Abbott did in office – which is probably why early in 2015 his own party decided that they wanted someone in with smaller ears and announced a leadership spill.

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Our politicians announcing a spill.

BUT HUZZAH! Our champion vanquished the pretenders… for another 6 months.

Editor’s note – incidentally in many Asian cultures, having big ears usually entails the owner possesses good fortune, luck and wealth in abundance, unfortunately for Mr Abbott, it just goes to show that sometimes two wongs don’t make a… sorry, sorry, bad joke – won’t even go there, what about – don’t cry over spilt milk? Oh dear…

Malcolm Turnbull

Which brings us to our current incumbent, the Hon. Malcolm Turnbull – politician, banker, lawyer, philanthropist and Rhodes Scholar.

The man can do it all, except for it seems – lead.

Mr Turnbull is best known for presiding over the same-sex marriage plebiscite – a survey about a poll located in a study on whether Australia should legalise same-sex marriage.

I remember this because Facebook and social media was blowing up through my heterosexual friends who vehemently demanded same sex marriage be made into law.

It amused me to think people felt so much emotion and conviction on an issue which does not concern them, yet on their personal finances and development…bah humbug! There I go again.

Anyway I think I voted “yes, but only if same-sex divorces are allowed”.

Seems cruel for our gays and lesbians to be locked into a mistake they (may) make ya know?

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Knives are frequently used in divorce…

Which brings us to the present day.

In the last 48 hours – the talk of the nation has been another potential PM.

Will it be Dutton? Will it be Abbott? Here’s what she said to me:

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be, will be
The futures not ours to see no
Que Sera, Que Sera, Que Sera

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P.S.

On a serious note, policital uncertainty is not good for any of us, neither investors, businesses nor industries would want to do anything when they do not know who is in charge. For why would you commit resources when policy and government direction could change tomorrow?

Come on Australia – let’s get our act together!

P.P.S.

Don’t worry Bane-san, will continue responding to your question very soon!

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